Fighting Sadness in Fallow Times

I’ve been sick for about a month now, which made me feel like I couldn’t do anything, my spirituality dried up, and then I started to slip into sadness, feeling like a horrible person.

So I fight.

Willow got me a gorgeous, very special silver ring this week…I keep staring at it. She loves me, all my personalities, everything. And if I have her love I have nothing to be sad about…

This is just a fallow time. We all have them, it’s part of life, like Winter to the crops. I’m trying to be gentle to myself, and keep praying even when I don’t feel the same magic I used to. It will return.

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Choosing Warriorship

Warriorship is something we choose, but it is a necessity for any healing. Survivors become warriors when they take up the fight against the fear self within. The fear self perpetuates the messages from the past, plays on our insecurities, and tells us that we can’t heal. There is nothing I disrespect more than the statement “I can’t” with regard to healing.

You are the only person with all the capacity to fight your own fear self. You know what your insecurities are, and you can learn to understand yourself and your fear self at a level that no other human being can. This is why no one else can do the work of healing for you. Support and guidance from others is extra fuel for your war-fire, but you have to be front and centre at your post to win the fight.

Choosing warriorship means choosing to fight for yourself, to parent yourself, to love and respect yourself, to protect yourself, and to heal yourself. It means living in the present, not in the past or in dissociation. It means being alert to recognize the fear self when it attacks. It means knowing your truth, so you can understand how to heal from it. When you know your truth, your story and yourself, the fear self is no longer a formidable enemy but a prisoner of war, kept securely and humanely.

Warriorship is a discipline that gets stronger through practice. The first step is recognizing the difference between reality and what the fear self tells you. Be mindful of negativity and question it. If you can trace your negativity back to a place of fear, then you can recognize the fear self and choose to fight against it. Knowing your fear self is half the battle.