I post this from time to time — it is my story. I am not my story, but I have overcome so much to get where I am, which is something worth honouring.
Here’s some of my singing attempts…
’cause I haven’t seen Barbados, so I must get out of this
Holocene (Bon Iver) Cover
Me and a Gun (Tori Amos) Cover
Pissing in a River (Patti Smith) Cover
Professional Widow (Tori Amos) Cover
Blood Roses (Tori Amos) Cover
I want to reach out, I want to ask all of you — how are you doing today?
Does anyone need a helping hand? A bit of guidance? A kind word?
I’m here, holding space. I’d like to help.
Acorn babe says
maybe this is the afterlife,
because she’s awakened
to the Earth; she knows
she’s always been an oak.
Here Kassie babe reigns
as the lollipop queen, owning
her land, herself
as if there is no separation between
us and us and us.
There is only freedom,
full like a vast land that knows
though there’s no trees in sight.
I identify as a multiple, who is not suffering from dissociative identity disorder, but thriving with it. DID is a mental strategy to survive, and once freed from that survival situation, a multiple has near superhuman capabilities at her/his beck and call.
I have been trying to find a way to express my system, my parts, the essence and the variety of who we are. I think the best thing I can share right now is my Pinterest page…which is like a collage of our personalities. We create separate boards for our parts (not all our parts, but a good few), and each voice and flavour can be seen at a glance.
My Pinterest is here if you would like to see what I mean! https://www.pinterest.com/storykai/
I’ve been sick for about a month now, which made me feel like I couldn’t do anything, my spirituality dried up, and then I started to slip into sadness, feeling like a horrible person.
So I fight.
Willow got me a gorgeous, very special silver ring this week…I keep staring at it. She loves me, all my personalities, everything. And if I have her love I have nothing to be sad about…
This is just a fallow time. We all have them, it’s part of life, like Winter to the crops. I’m trying to be gentle to myself, and keep praying even when I don’t feel the same magic I used to. It will return.
Warriorship is something we choose, but it is a necessity for any healing. Survivors become warriors when they take up the fight against the fear self within. The fear self perpetuates the messages from the past, plays on our insecurities, and tells us that we can’t heal. There is nothing I disrespect more than the statement “I can’t” with regard to healing.
You are the only person with all the capacity to fight your own fear self. You know what your insecurities are, and you can learn to understand yourself and your fear self at a level that no other human being can. This is why no one else can do the work of healing for you. Support and guidance from others is extra fuel for your war-fire, but you have to be front and centre at your post to win the fight.
Choosing warriorship means choosing to fight for yourself, to parent yourself, to love and respect yourself, to protect yourself, and to heal yourself. It means living in the present, not in the past or in dissociation. It means being alert to recognize the fear self when it attacks. It means knowing your truth, so you can understand how to heal from it. When you know your truth, your story and yourself, the fear self is no longer a formidable enemy but a prisoner of war, kept securely and humanely.
Warriorship is a discipline that gets stronger through practice. The first step is recognizing the difference between reality and what the fear self tells you. Be mindful of negativity and question it. If you can trace your negativity back to a place of fear, then you can recognize the fear self and choose to fight against it. Knowing your fear self is half the battle.