My Survivor Story

I post this from time to time — it is my story. I am not my story, but I have overcome so much to get where I am, which is something worth honouring.


Singing with the Robins

Here’s some of my singing attempts…

’cause I haven’t seen Barbados, so I must get out of this

Holocene (Bon Iver) Cover


Me and a Gun (Tori Amos) Cover


Pissing in a River (Patti Smith) Cover


Professional Widow (Tori Amos) Cover


Blood Roses (Tori Amos) Cover

Kassie’s Strength (Poem)

Acorn babe says

maybe this is the afterlife,

because she’s awakened

to the Earth; she knows

she’s always been an oak.

Here Kassie babe reigns

as the lollipop queen, owning

her land, herself

as if there is no separation between

us and us and us.

There is only freedom,

full like a vast land that knows

no emptiness

though there’s no trees in sight.





Being a Multiple

I identify as a multiple, who is not suffering from dissociative identity disorder, but thriving with it. DID is a mental strategy to survive, and once freed from that survival situation, a multiple has near superhuman capabilities at her/his beck and call.

I have been trying to find a way to express my system, my parts, the essence and the variety of who we are. I think the best thing I can share right now is my Pinterest page…which is like a collage of our personalities. We create separate boards for our parts (not all our parts, but a good few), and each voice and flavour can be seen at a glance.

My Pinterest is here if you would like to see what I mean!


Fighting Sadness in Fallow Times

I’ve been sick for about a month now, which made me feel like I couldn’t do anything, my spirituality dried up, and then I started to slip into sadness, feeling like a horrible person.

So I fight.

Willow got me a gorgeous, very special silver ring this week…I keep staring at it. She loves me, all my personalities, everything. And if I have her love I have nothing to be sad about…

This is just a fallow time. We all have them, it’s part of life, like Winter to the crops. I’m trying to be gentle to myself, and keep praying even when I don’t feel the same magic I used to. It will return.


Choosing Warriorship

Warriorship is something we choose, but it is a necessity for any healing. Survivors become warriors when they take up the fight against the fear self within. The fear self perpetuates the messages from the past, plays on our insecurities, and tells us that we can’t heal. There is nothing I disrespect more than the statement “I can’t” with regard to healing.

You are the only person with all the capacity to fight your own fear self. You know what your insecurities are, and you can learn to understand yourself and your fear self at a level that no other human being can. This is why no one else can do the work of healing for you. Support and guidance from others is extra fuel for your war-fire, but you have to be front and centre at your post to win the fight.

Choosing warriorship means choosing to fight for yourself, to parent yourself, to love and respect yourself, to protect yourself, and to heal yourself. It means living in the present, not in the past or in dissociation. It means being alert to recognize the fear self when it attacks. It means knowing your truth, so you can understand how to heal from it. When you know your truth, your story and yourself, the fear self is no longer a formidable enemy but a prisoner of war, kept securely and humanely.

Warriorship is a discipline that gets stronger through practice. The first step is recognizing the difference between reality and what the fear self tells you. Be mindful of negativity and question it. If you can trace your negativity back to a place of fear, then you can recognize the fear self and choose to fight against it. Knowing your fear self is half the battle.