I’m alive

I’m alive, I am alive — my new favourite prayer.

I’ve been through a lot recently, spiritually and physically. I was in a car accident just after Christmas that wrote off our car (but everyone was mercifully unhurt, save bruises). And something that has been brewing in me for weeks, quietly and patiently, erupted into a complete paradigm shift and epiphany. I learned one of my soul’s core truths. These come to me like random gifts, like stunning cosmic explosions. I have now started on a path of honouring and actively seeking more of my core truths, which are bits of knowledge beyond certainty and beyond faith, things I know more deeply than I know that my body is real, yet for which I have no evidence whatsoever.

I have to accept that I will never be happy with an idea or belief unless its comes from me. This is a remarkable bit of egoism but I can’t change it. I’ve tried many faiths in my life but they all fall flat and I know that however much I would like to believe them, I can’t. Yet my own ideas and truths bewitch me, seduce me, and make me stumble as if drunk in awe. I know of no one else who shares my beliefs, yet that doesn’t concern me in the slightest, and I’m not going to try to win anyone over. What I will try to convince you is that authenticity in faith is your most crucial spiritual work. Know what you believe. This is the work of a lifetime, I think — for me anyway, since I’m not quick to claim to know anything if there’s a chance I’m wrong.

It makes me wonder how faith and spiritual knowledge work for other people, so please feel free to share thoughts on your own discovery of faith. How did you find your core truths? Where did they come from? What is your experience of simply knowing something is true (especially when it actually seems impossible to know it with certainty)?

My recent discovery of a core truth has had consequences. I am going to stop referring to my spiritual work as a shamanic practice. It might be similar, but it definitely diverges and does not agree with any shamanic tradition or book. My blog will need an overhaul. And I will probably have to stop offering free readings. This hurts a little and I’m still thinking about it. I could do readings of a sort, but they wouldn’t be “shamanic” (despite involving the astral and speaking with other spirits), and there are probably a lot of questions that I wouldn’t want to bring to the spirits, for various reasons. The way I do things now has changed and is still in the process of transition and birth, so I need to figure it out first.

I have a ton of emails to respond to. I’m sorry if yours is one of them! I’ve been thinking, I’ve been in transitional states, and unfortunately I can never bring myself to speak if I’m not reasonably sure of what I’m saying — a bad habit. But I will write.   

Meanwhile, listen to this! It’s my soul’s song of the moment. I could cry.