Today I had two unbelievably real encounters with the spirit realm. I never suspected it could feel so utterly real. But it did, even whilst my mind was being logical and scientific, trying to dismiss the whole thing.
First off, this morning I put on my little space heater under the desk, and a short while later I saw that the airspace in the room had taken on the appearance of smoke. I could even see smoke-tendrils coming together and drifting apart, churning slowly and deliberately. I was so convinced that I immediately turned off the heater in case it was burning lint or something. However, that wasn’t necessary. The “smoke”, which was grey-white, simply did not exist in a corporeal sense. I think of it as seeing energy — the energy of all things, and the potential of all things. This energy swirled very organically all around the room.
Then I saw an odd blob of energy on the staircase that looked rather different, as it had some markings as if it were textured. At first I thought it was just my mother-in-law’s shoes as she walked downstairs, but instead it was a remarkably animated figure, full of motion and expression. I didn’t get up close to examine the energy, but at one point it looked like a cat — perhaps the spirit one of my own! (Which is a nice thought, but the cat it best resembled is still very much alive, living far away with friends.)
Next, I looked at streams and sparks of energy flying off a large wooden board that leans against the stairs. This piece of wood served as a perch for a very lively looking spirit-dove. Tendrils and sparks of energy swirled up together to form the dove right before my eyes. I was astounded again at how real it looked and moved, bobbing like it was eating, even though it was somewhat transparent and without colour.
As I write this, something just flashed in the corner of my eye, and what looks like a human being (although transparent) is sitting on the stairs. I might even know who it is — one of them, anyway, since the energy-form is changing and moving and transforming before my eyes. Is the spirit trying to choose a form in order to relate to me? Or do the forms all represent a single lifeline of reincarnations? My sense was of a man who didn’t know where to go or what to do next. I bid the spirit(s) welcome and offered words of advice and comfort about the afterlife and how letting go of baggage is important.
When I first I discovered I could see energy, over a year ago, it was much weaker and even required some imagination to help me believe in it. Now, when I look at my hands, sparks exactly like miniature lightning bolts fly from my skin. I can see coloured auras sometimes too, though I need more practice. Everything, absolutely everything, has this fine layer of sparks around it, like in the photos above. If I see a colour, I interpret that according to my own concordance, which differs from person to person. I can use auras for healing Willow by seeing where there is a yellow or red colour, and then I help it become blue. These colours however, are specific to Willow! On myself, I have found that yellow and pink auras represent good things.
Also…. I have a secret to share.
I have been hearing voices.
Yeah, it sounds scary and crazy, doesn’t it? But this, I firmly believe, is not simply my alternate personalities having a chat with each other. It’s been a gradual climb towards hearing the voices with any clarity, which happened for the first time upon waking up this morning. Until today, I couldn’t figure out if I had voices or not, and so far the chatter seems benign, even light. The voices are muted and I can only make out a few words and/or phrases. I believe I have heard both male and female voices, and the volume level goes up and down randomly.
Sometimes I hear instrumental music too, quite vividly. Lately it’s been native flutes. The phenomenon may be completely similar to “getting a song stuck in your head”, but for me, it is usually spirit-sent and therefore achingly beautiful. I have been known to hunt down these non-existent sounds in pursuit of the beautiful songs that I want to get my hands on…only to discover it is all in my head.
Once, I thought I could hear Willow and her mother upstairs having a shouting match…about me, awkwardly enough, and my multiplicity/autism/POTS, etc. I thought I could make out some of the words and sentences, and the whole thing upset me (they are both very very fierce women) — until the two of them came downstairs happily talking in a normal tone. The angry voices I heard then instantly disappeared, as they had never been real in the first place. Willow told me later than they hadn’t been speaking loudly or breaking things, or discussing how my inner kids affect my maturity level (which is what I thought her mother was arguing about). However it felt real enough, and it sent my mind spinning.
Yet this ability to hear voices did not hit me so stunningly suddenly. No, I’ve always had a feeling that I am at greater risk for mental health issues than most people. Luckily for me, hearing voices does not necessarily mean that a person has schizophrenia. My background with shamanism led me to be curious about people who hear voices or otherwise hallucinate. How does it feel? Is it purely a mental health issue, or is there strength, healing, and power to be found in hearing voices and seeing energy? Well, now I know some of the answers — and I would not seek to get rid of these spiritual gifts. They are what they are, and have been given to me for a reason.
I’m the type of person who only trusts her own experiences, as much as is possible, anyway. The experiences I had today left me with no doubt that there is more to life and the world than meets the eye.
Right now, I see white, blurry things flying out of the corner of my eye. I hear an Inuit man throat-singing a song I’ve never heard — but I like it. It sounds like it is coming from outside my own head, like a real noise, but I did not “stage” anything for it to happen (for instance, I did not think about hearing Inuit throat-singing, or otherwise encourage my mind to wander towards a song.) The song simply came as if from thin air. It is an exciting thing when you can recognize that some thoughts of your mind came from elsewhere, from vague “Otherness”, and that you did not quite have a hand in creating those thoughts. Since I believe that the spirit realm is bound neither by space nor time, it could be that your mind might spontaneously and passively “hear” a thought today that you will not actively think or come up with until sometime far in the future. Or perhaps, as I wrote in a poem that I sold to Orson Scott Card —
Thoughts, like vagrants, own
no real estate, but sneak
off through space and even steal,
unnoticed, into someone else’s brain
and leave all the lights on.
So listen to your internal dialogue, and get to know the difference between thoughts that you actively create (by thinking them up), and thoughts that passively come to you (as if from someone/somewhere else). There is so much to learn.
Here’s a question for anyone who read this far — does anyone have ideas as to how I can help and give offerings to the spirit man who is still sitting on my staircase? He turns sometimes to look at me and I have tried to tell him to “go the light,” as it were. But he is silently waiting for something…