Choosing Warriorship

Warriorship is something we choose, but it is a necessity for any healing. Survivors become warriors when they take up the fight against the fear self within. The fear self perpetuates the messages from the past, plays on our insecurities, and tells us that we can’t heal. There is nothing I disrespect more than the statement “I can’t” with regard to healing.

You are the only person with all the capacity to fight your own fear self. You know what your insecurities are, and you can learn to understand yourself and your fear self at a level that no other human being can. This is why no one else can do the work of healing for you. Support and guidance from others is extra fuel for your war-fire, but you have to be front and centre at your post to win the fight.

Choosing warriorship means choosing to fight for yourself, to parent yourself, to love and respect yourself, to protect yourself, and to heal yourself. It means living in the present, not in the past or in dissociation. It means being alert to recognize the fear self when it attacks. It means knowing your truth, so you can understand how to heal from it. When you know your truth, your story and yourself, the fear self is no longer a formidable enemy but a prisoner of war, kept securely and humanely.

Warriorship is a discipline that gets stronger through practice. The first step is recognizing the difference between reality and what the fear self tells you. Be mindful of negativity and question it. If you can trace your negativity back to a place of fear, then you can recognize the fear self and choose to fight against it. Knowing your fear self is half the battle.



3 thoughts on “Choosing Warriorship

  1. I appreciate that you speak from experience of your own healing of what I’d consider some of the most egregious failures of humanity. Just from the outside, though, I do respect the “I can’t”s of other recoverees. It doesn’t mean I’m compelled to pour out time, energy, or attention at just anybody else’s word. It doesn’t mean that I’ll inevitably accept blame for anything and everything and adjust any and all of my behavior accordingly (it’s my first consideration, but with everything essential to me as a person, I believe it’s better to call it incompatibility and leave if someone I care about is hurt by something I wouldn’t change about myself.)

    But when speaking of the state of their own self, I believe someone who says “I can’t heal” because I am not that person to say otherwise. I can say I know how it feels to “can’t” like that, and that my experience has been that it’s intense and consuming but moderately temporary…Because I generally doubt the warrior-fuel or healer-fuel of responses such as “You can” or “I have no respect for what you’re voicing about your inner world (because that’s not you speaking your truth, that’s your fear self.)” That’s just a caution I want to put out there, I hope I haven’t misunderstood that this was the approach.

    That aside, thanks for the lucid descriptions of your healing method—morale-boosting and strategic, as a leading warrior’s wont 🙂

    1. Thank you sincerely for your very thoughtful and intelligent response. It has made me think, and I might write another post to clarify and deepen my words.

      If someone tells me that they can’t heal, I will believe that they don’t currently have the tools or capacity to do so. That it feels impossible, that the current situation they are in is making healing beyond their reach. Or simply that healing is going really slowly, so slowly that it feels like it isn’t happening. You’re right that how we use our words is important!

      So if someone wants to share their pain with me, and shares how impossible healing seems, I would support that. I support a good bitch fest any day! What I didn’t express clearly is my bottom line that we have to do our own healing work in order to heal. It’s a difficult truth that I struggled with myself. I wished that someone could just take care of me and re-parent me and then I’d feel satisfied and healed by fulfilling the void of my childhood. But I’ve learned that as unfortunate as it is, there’s no healing without one’s own effort. It’s like physiotherapy, where they push you really hard to get you walking. And it hurts and it sucks but you have to do it.

      When someone knowingly outright refuses to do that work, and is headed toward a breakdown — I bow out. I can’t support that. Perhaps it’s more the ‘I won’t’ attitude I don’t respect than the ‘I can’t’ attitude.

      Thank you for making me reconsider what I wrote. I don’t want to be insensitive or inflammatory!

      1. No worries! It wasn’t inflammatory and you’re usually hearteningly sensitive. Surely everyone has their own boundary between “supportive, healing bitchfest” and “toxic, draining, oppressive criticism”. When to bow out—or that even spiritual healers can bow out—is an important and valuable idea to put out there, too! ❤

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