My Kind of Survivor Story (a reminder for today)

In us we have it all, we’re wild

country and deep root cellars.

Our fingers sift

flowers and light, we knit

sunbeams cast like scarves

for air, we ride

summer’s long shadows until the day

bleeds out and kisses

our newborn cheeks — hello, goodbye.

Raucous life lives here

in us, we have it all,

joined hands and stray strands

of hair streaming

long behind us all, telling

time another kind of tale, one

where we lift

up and know what we always were:

us the lovers,

us the heroes,

us all in us.

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Poem: Programmed Child

I will not be this person any longer. I am not this child.

*

The polite child never argues,

never raises her voice, never speaks

unless spoken to, never questions

her captors. She never requires

anything, neither sustenance nor

love, but does what she’s told

as promptly and perfectly

as a wind-up toy. In the right hands,

she can be wound up to do

anything. She knows what she ought

to say, and only says this; she knows

how she ought to act, and only acts

thusly. Yet, being a child, she needs

constant correction, if only to remind

her of her place. Punishment

can be dealt at any time, regardless

of her behavior, and she will beg

to know how best to please

her captors.

Write About Your Wrongs

I’ve been doing a lot of mental and spiritual work around the abuses I’ve suffered in my life, and this leads to me wanting to express my thoughts and feelings in various media.

Why write about my abuse? It is, admittedly, mainly for me. It gives me an outlet for the hordes of confusing, sometimes conflicting, or simply overwhelming emotions that swirl within. But I hope it will also inspire survivors to use their voice and speak openly (in a safe environment) about their experiences. Often survivors are silenced, their abuse smothered by legal terms or sugar-coated with vague words. I choose to be raw and gritty and speak my truth as vividly as possible.

The following video is me singing along to Patti Smith’s Pissing in a River, overlaid with tracks of a very triggering poem I wrote. Again, this is VERY TRIGGERING, so listen safely.