I’m alive

I’m alive, I am alive — my new favourite prayer.

I’ve been through a lot recently, spiritually and physically. I was in a car accident just after Christmas that wrote off our car (but everyone was mercifully unhurt, save bruises). And something that has been brewing in me for weeks, quietly and patiently, erupted into a complete paradigm shift and epiphany. I learned one of my soul’s core truths. These come to me like random gifts, like stunning cosmic explosions. I have now started on a path of honouring and actively seeking more of my core truths, which are bits of knowledge beyond certainty and beyond faith, things I know more deeply than I know that my body is real, yet for which I have no evidence whatsoever.

I have to accept that I will never be happy with an idea or belief unless its comes from me. This is a remarkable bit of egoism but I can’t change it. I’ve tried many faiths in my life but they all fall flat and I know that however much I would like to believe them, I can’t. Yet my own ideas and truths bewitch me, seduce me, and make me stumble as if drunk in awe. I know of no one else who shares my beliefs, yet that doesn’t concern me in the slightest, and I’m not going to try to win anyone over. What I will try to convince you is that authenticity in faith is your most crucial spiritual work. Know what you believe. This is the work of a lifetime, I think — for me anyway, since I’m not quick to claim to know anything if there’s a chance I’m wrong.

It makes me wonder how faith and spiritual knowledge work for other people, so please feel free to share thoughts on your own discovery of faith. How did you find your core truths? Where did they come from? What is your experience of simply knowing something is true (especially when it actually seems impossible to know it with certainty)?

My recent discovery of a core truth has had consequences. I am going to stop referring to my spiritual work as a shamanic practice. It might be similar, but it definitely diverges and does not agree with any shamanic tradition or book. My blog will need an overhaul. And I will probably have to stop offering free readings. This hurts a little and I’m still thinking about it. I could do readings of a sort, but they wouldn’t be “shamanic” (despite involving the astral and speaking with other spirits), and there are probably a lot of questions that I wouldn’t want to bring to the spirits, for various reasons. The way I do things now has changed and is still in the process of transition and birth, so I need to figure it out first.

I have a ton of emails to respond to. I’m sorry if yours is one of them! I’ve been thinking, I’ve been in transitional states, and unfortunately I can never bring myself to speak if I’m not reasonably sure of what I’m saying — a bad habit. But I will write.   

Meanwhile, listen to this! It’s my soul’s song of the moment. I could cry.


5 thoughts on “I’m alive

  1. I know what I believe because I ask myself questions and think about things. If I’m not sure of a belief then I go back and ask myself more questions. My practice changes and things I believed in a couple of years ago I don’t anymore. As you know, there’s no easy answers to what you believe, if anyone does have an easy answer they don’t really believe it.

    Hope you’re okay from the accident. “The next time… you have a revelation… could you make it… a little less painful?” Marcus, Babylon 5.

  2. This post is so beautiful. Firstly, I am so glad you are okay and growing stronger every day. It is truly a blessing that everyone was unhurt and you are in my thoughts and prayers. It never ceases to amaze me how such beautiful truths and blessings can ultimately be born out of times of great sorrow, pain and trepidation. I’ve always found myself being drawn to your words and I feel a very strong connection as if they touch my very soul. We ask the same questions at times and have gone through the same kind of transition through which we have come to learn about our own unique truths.

    I have always felt quite alone in my beliefs for similar reasons, I don’t consider myself to be part of any group or movement and I tend to follow my heart over what others tell me I should be doing. I listen and learn from what other people have shared with me but have a personal philosophy which is “only act upon what touches your heart” and therefore I adapt any new knowledge to my own personal practice.

    Accepting the journey and spiritual messages as unique to everyone, is the foundation on which everything I have come to believe is built upon. What you believe is beautiful and not one person can ever tell you how to walk your path, yes being open to advice and guidance is very important in our learning, but never accept anything that you feel will make it any less your own.

    I too came to find my truths in times of loneliness, sadness and hardship. It was in times like this that I found sanctuary and solace in nature and spent hours gazing at the stars and the sunsets. When the wind blew through the trees and the grass, I felt the loneliness within me vanish and I heard the voice of the Great Spirit. I learned to listen to Earth Mother’s song through the voices of animals and receive lessons and messages from the textures and patterns in tree bark and the flow of the river. Spirits were everywhere and the more I listened, the more I learned from them. My temple is the Earth and to me she is sacred and the words of my holy book are written on the wind and scattered through the stars. I have been meaning to share the story of how my journey began publicly on my blog when the time is right, though I’d be happy to share it anytime with you if you like. I’d love to share in our journeys together and talk through our thoughts, struggles, blessings and prayers on a more personal level anytime you feel you could. My email is wildspiritwolf2300@gmail.com (Thank you for yours by the way, I’m only getting to reply to my messages and comments today.) Your kind words meant so much to me.

    Blessings ❤

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