It is no secret that I have multiple personalities, brought about from severe, repetitive, childhood trauma. The accepted term for multiple personalities has become dissociative identity disorder, which helps to describe the main cause and symptom: dissociation.
Everyone dissociates; so this can be understood as a spectrum. If you’ve ever realized that you’ve been “spaced out” for a period of time, and can’t really remember what happened during that time — maybe you drove home without remembering anything about the journey — you have experienced dissociation.
Multiples have perfected the art of survival to the point where their identity is compartmentalized, and different parts of their identity can be out dealing with abuse while another part is completely unaware of what’s happening, being safely tucked in a dissociative state.
For me, becoming a “singular” is not a goal. I feel like I have never been singular, as my abuse happened so young, conditioning me to dissociate. Multiplicity, for me, is a powerful tool, not a disorder. It is who I am and with healing, awareness, and communication amongst all my parts, there is no compelling reason to become singular — if I even could.
I like to think of my personalities as “split light” — how white light can be split to become a rainbow of colours. It is a different way of being, but it is healthy and joyous to me.
Multiplicity is also a huge part of my spiritual perspective. So again, I believe it is a tool towards insight rather than a hindrance. I feel I can understand the shamanic concept of soul loss better due to my own experiences, and thus I feel that being a multiple might make me a better healer.
For more information, try to stick with advocacy websites — there are skeptics out there who would deny that dissociative identity disorder exists at all. I’m not surprised; for one thing, perpetrators want to hide their tracks. But if you have questions, feel free to ask me! I don’t mind at all.