Faith in the Universe Makes for Joy in Hard Times

I always trust that the universe is looking out for me. Naturally I take all the steps necessary to look out for myself, like leaving an unhealthy work environment and cutting off contact with my family who are doubtful and hostile about my abuse survivor story. I always feel the universe sends signs that I’m on the right track and blesses me with events that work out in my favour. So I would like to give my thanks and gratitude in written words now.

I am very grateful for Willow’s mother, who is like a fierce mama bear when it comes to her children. She shows her care for me, too, in many ways. She is willing to provide a temporary home for Willow and I in her house, and we can tell she’s thinking of the best way she can help financially, though we haven’t asked for that kind of help. She also responded to my story of abuse in a wonderfully appropriate way — she became angry and said that my father should be castrated, forced to eat his nuts, and then be shot in the head. With her, I can talk about anything — she’s absolutely raw and open in conversation. She even asked about my scars. They’re very obvious if you’re looking at my arm or legs, but in 10 years my own family have never said a word.

Also, Willow’s mom knows we’re under extreme stress and is sending us back to Algonquin for a little vacation in the beginning of October. That place is so healing to Willow and I. The original plan was that she would come too, but she doesn’t want to right now so she’s offered to pay for our room so we can still go. Having this little trip to heaven is a wonderful thing to look forward to and the universe always shows us something new and amazing there. My inner kids are beyond excited to go back to “Gonky”.

I am grateful for friends, new and old, even ones I’ve never met, who offer such beautiful words of support and understanding. Thank you to you all.

I am grateful for Social Services, which has a one-time-only emergency dental program for adults in pain. They are going to extract my infected, excruciating tooth for a mere $10. I have to be on antibiotics for a week, but then I won’t be up half the night in agony anymore! I haven’t had any health or dental insurance since I was a child, and Canada provides nothing for dental work unless you’re on disability or welfare. For me, it is a blessing just to be out of pain. (And I get to eat Willow’s yummy mashed potatoes for a week!!!)

I am grateful that my former boss of 12 years is “playing nice” (despite all my knowledge to the contrary of his true character) and has emailed me something of a glowing letter of reference.

I am grateful my doctor seems willing to help me apply for a disability. Though I’ve never been very candid with him, I imagine he has…”interesting” reports from my time at an outpatient hospital program. I have an appointment with my disability worker this week, and I am grateful this lady seems compassionate.

I am grateful for two dear friends who are willing to foster my beloved cats temporarily. We are delivering them when we go to Algonquin. Though I hate to be parted from them, it feels like the most responsible thing to do right now. And I am so grateful that my timid Lenka loves these people, so I don’t have to worry about him being scared.

I’m grateful for my local counseling centre, which has given us a year of free therapy, which is rare. Though I only have 9 sessions left now, I’ve had about 40 already and I’m told I can come back for more if needed after a break as short as two months.

Lastly, I am grateful for Willow, forever and always. She juggles all the logistics of keeping us afloat and keeping me feeling safe and happy. She is a wonder woman. Though she has too many illnesses to name, she does nearly everything for me and all without complaining. She cooks, drives, cleans, does laundry, even makes all my clothes by hand. Not to mention that my mental health is her chief concern. She’s a live-in therapist, best friend, advocate, mother figure for my inner kids, and my wife and soulmate. My love for her is beyond words.

I have so much to be grateful for right now, I am sure I am missing something! I am peaceful, happy, and excited for what the universe will bring next.






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