Breaking Silence with Family, Part 2

So, forget everything I said about my mother being compassionate and understanding. I have now been faced with nothing but hostility from my family, who think I am merely stirring up drama. I spoke to my mother on the phone, who was very cold. She said, “why can’t you just let it go? Why do you have to stir it up now?” To which I responded that I was letting her go, at which point I hung up and removed my whole family from facebook. She was angry because my partner posted about the importance of supporting survivors on my facebook. I suppose she wanted me to be silent after all.

Oddly, I feel good. I feel free, I feel strong. I don’t have to deal with their crap — and they can let it eat away at them.

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13 thoughts on “Breaking Silence with Family, Part 2

  1. I sincerely hope you are okay. I am sad for you that your family reacted this way but glad to hear your partner sounds supportive and you feel strong enough not to let your family bring you down. Stay strong, I will be thinking of you.
    Best wishes,
    – Roe

    1. Thank you for your thoughts, and worry not. I actually feel great joy and freedom now. I no longer have to be silent, I can speak freely on my facebook, and I don’t have to deal with my family’s hostility any longer. I’m learning to set healthy boundaries and this is so important!

      Blessings to you; I have just followed your blog 🙂

  2. “Why can’t I let it go mom? Because you won’t take responsibility. Because the guilt and shame you carry for what you put your child through buries you in denial. So let’s stir it up mom, so you can carry this bullshit you’ve left me to carry. Let’s separate the wheat from the chaff so you can take the weight of the scraps into your own back sack, mom!”

    Oh, how I wish I had the guts to say these things to my mother, but I didn’t. She’s been dead since 2007 and even if I had, she would have said the same “always causing problems, Angie. Always stirring up shit.”

    I think sometimes their denial is so deep that they have drowned inside of it, and they float their dead robots unable to ever be revived to their own truth.

    I’m SO proud of you! I know this is so difficult and the grief of having to separate from your family is not easy. Kudos to you partner for being supportive of you. You deserve it.

    ((Long comforting hugs))

    1. I’m sorry you have to carry this regret and didn’t get a chance to say it, even though what survivors say rarely seems to change the mind of a heart in denial. You’re so right, the denial is all-consuming and desperate. Our family gatherings have always been this sick fake game of smiles and niceties, where no one says anything of importance or expresses real feelings. It’s nauseous. My mother moved away to live with another man when I was 9, so her own guilt must lie deep in the depths of her heart, which she has had to numb and even kill.

      Your kind words have really made me feel proud. I feel a great weight lifted off my soul; I’m finally able to defend myself and do what’s right for the little ones within me. Hugs and blessings to you!

    1. Thank you, dear. I’m exhilarated now from the idea that I really don’t have to take their crap quietly and compliantly, never again. My mother wasn’t great when I was young, and I’d thought she’d changed. But I just see her less — she hasn’t actually changed. I feel like I am healing my inner kids by standing up to her and removing her from my life. The hurt isn’t even there now, just freedom 🙂

  3. My mom’s family hates me because they hate my mom. I don’t know if she is alive or dead right now and see has severe mental problems so I know what it’s like to have to cut people out of your life because they will not deal with their stuff. I am healthier for it and I know you will be as well.

    1. Thank you for your thoughts and sending healing, I’m blown away by the support and kindness of people I’ve never met. It proves to me I’m doing the right thing, when people like you show more compassion than my family. All the best to you.

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