The Big Question

So, what do you want?

That’s the big question. You think, if I only had more money, I’d be happy. If I only had a better house, I’d be happy. If I only had a better partner, I’d be happy.

It’s a lie. It’s the most dangerous delusion of all. It’s the lie on everyone’s lips and digital screens. The lie tempts us to believe that better happiness is somewhere out there, and you can achieve it like unlocking a quest in a game.

The trick is to notice how it works. Something new comes along and yeah, you feel really good. Not because of the new thing itself, but because of the hope, excitement, and sense of achievement it gives you. And that wears off pretty fast. It will depend on your circumstances but it may not even last a day.

So where’s the real happiness then? Well, look at kids. They’re instinctively happy. They use their imaginations when they have nothing in their hands to create the whole world. And we teach it out of them. We train it out of them. Maybe you had great parents, but the school system let you down. Or maybe your parents tried their best but they were hurting too and couldn’t give the right attention to you. And it stays with you, it grows in you.

So you have to look in yourself and find that little hurting kid, that spark of connection to life and spirit and natural joy. You have to love her and say to her, what do you want? What can I give you?

Maybe that little girl or boy wants to be “crazy” and dance some crazy dance. Then do it. Forget what people think. It doesn’t matter, they’re all hurting and broken too, and if they judge you, it’s coming from a place of pain and jealousy. So find out what that little child inside you wants, and do it. 

Do you want to believe in faeries? Do you want to run off benches, trying to fly? Do you want to splash in a stream? Do you want to giggle and have someone play with you? Find a way to make it happen.

Maybe you need love, deep unconditional love. I’ll tell you, you can receive and receive and receive love but if you don’t have faith in it, faith that you’re worthy and faith that the love is real, it’s nothing. So it depends on you. You have to start it. You have to keep the faith going.

Maybe you feel all alone and no one cares. That’s really tough. But you have to say to yourself, I have faith in my worth. I have faith in the universe. And when someone smiles at you, be grateful. Get to a place of gratitude, that’s your foundation. You will find people who respect you when you respect yourself.

Gratitude journals are great but it’s really about connecting with gratitude in the moment. Learning to feel gratitude when it’s really happening to you. When the wind makes your skin feel good, be grateful and smile. When someone says hello, be grateful for the contact and connection. 

You’ll lose yourself in the moment when you connect with the moment. Connect with gratitude and grace and spirit. The next step is to give out the emotion. Keep yourself busy giving out the joy that gratitude gave you. Give it out as a symbol of thanks. More will come. 

Life will always challenge you. Or else you wouldn’t know you were alive. But connect with it. Face it. Take your past and give to yourself the freedom to exist as you are. Then connect with gratitude, and you will feel the real joy that makes you really want to give out joy to others, as thanks.


4 thoughts on “The Big Question

  1. I agree with this, but would like to add that even though I am experiencing loss I still have moments of happiness and joy. You don’t have to feel sad all the time and it won’t denigrate the memory of the person you lost.


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